


Fill my goblet up to the brim

by skinnyallie



Category: Prodigal Son (TV 2019)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, F/F, First Kiss, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Past Drug Addiction, Pre-Relationship, Unnecessarily Sapphic Yearning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:01:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26343814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skinnyallie/pseuds/skinnyallie
Summary: Ainsley gets too drunk on work related party and calls Dani for help.
Relationships: Dani Powell/Ainsley Whitly
Comments: 6
Kudos: 11





	Fill my goblet up to the brim

**Author's Note:**

> Let's ✨p r o j e c t✨ onto the characters, shall we? (And because of that few of the lines are directly from my life!). I like to think highly of what I wrote here, there are bits that I'm exceptionally proud of. I doubt that they're truly _this_ good, but let's hope they're good _enough_.  
> The title comes from "Get Down" from SIX the Musical. I don't know why, there’s no significance, there's no connection or any underlying meaning. I just like the line and the attitude of the singers, both from the [studio recording](https://youtu.be/m5xv7fyRFyI?t=17) and [Westend](https://youtu.be/Z235Yi53t38?t=41).  
> Also, I wouldn't be myself if I didn't make a playlist to a fic: "[dansley for a change](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0IJ7sfGlactEc36qYwC7d3?si=gcQJe0woRHeK1oHCQ22W-Q)"

The amount of alcohol rushing through Ainsley’s veins was making her lids heavy and limbs numb. This typical tingling was fuzzing through her muscles, poisoned blood burning the trail it traveled. She was sitting in a very large and very comfortable armchair, drowning in the soft leather it was upholstered with. The sleek material was sticking to her sweaty palms as she was tightly gripping the armrests, grounding her drunk mind in the place with a sting of nails straining upwards under the pressure. She couldn’t let herself fall asleep so the tabs were put on her brain; to squeeze the soft flesh of the furniture until she felt pain under the fingertips, to deeply breathe in and out. Those were the only things she was able to focus on.

It was evening of the goodbye party of one of her station’s chairmen, with employees’ joy of putting some fresh blood in his place, blooming in the background. Ainsley let herself celebrate upcoming commotion, but somewhere along the way the fun of socializing was eclipsed with alcohol. The usual self-control she tried to maintain was slowly evaporating as she was joining various circles of people, welcoming each one with the refilled gin warming up in her hand. It was supposed to be just a few drinks but as the night outgrew the evening Ainsley realised she poured into herself too much for her reason to stay with her.

She tried to imagine the picture of misery she was presenting with herself in that moment. Sprawled across the armchair, with material pooling around her silhouette. Curled blonde strands sticking to her radiating face, eyes shut but moving restlessly under the closed lids. Shoulder blades glued to the chair, her ass pushed forward by the force of shoulders pressing against the soft back, sliding down on the leather seat. Legs were connected through the length of her thighs (she was to sit as a lady, by her mother’s teaching) but with knees crooked and feet set far away from each other, stretched in stilettos, toes digging into the floor. Ainsley smiled under the humid huff that tickled her lip, when she released the air through her nose. It was a funny image to create in her mind.

Long sleeved dress was covering only the upper half of her thighs, with black tights squeezing her legs, burning after the whole evening on the heels. Heat of every little dilated blood vessel underneath her skin was trapped in the folds of her garment. Ainsley could feel the heat beaming from pumping, hot blood. She was very close to fainting. Her face was the only body part directly exposed to the dry air of humming AC, so trying to get rid of all this post-cocktail extra warmth her cheeks were burning, scarlet red even from underneath all the makeup.

Ainsley knew her life. It was repetitive therefore it was safe. She knew what to expect, where to look for the traps. No matter how hard her mother and brother worked (together or separately) to keep her safe, they couldn’t possibly save her from herself. Because one of those traps was hidden in her, and every time she was approaching the snare, she looked the other way - willingly entering the danger.

With her mother being an alcoholic, Ainsley knew how it could end when you pour into your system too much of this liquid gold of hers (although Ainsley’s poison of choice was usually bitterness of gin). Her whole life she was afraid of ending up like Jessica, hidden in a shadow of her shame, darker than covers of the night under which they both were drinking. Tonight was one of those moments when the trap closed with her inside, Ainsley Whitly was drunk as fuck because she did not stop herself from getting another drink in the right moment. Because she was too weak. Tears of humiliation she brought upon herself burned under her closed eyes. That only made her more vulnerable.

Ainsley desperately needed someone to pick her up. She was alone which wasn’t safe, even without the inner pity party, since the blood in her system was basically diluted gin&tonic. As long as she was sitting at the main hall of the hotel no one could take advantage of her, she was seen and predators rarely had the guts to snatch their victims in the plain sight. But the moment she would leave to hail herself a cab or even go straight to the uber… She needed someone to pick her up  _ literally _ .

There was one human being ready to compromise whatever it was that he was doing to come and help her, but Ainsley really didn’t want to bother Malcolm. He had enough of his own problems - developing alcoholism of his little sister wasn’t something he needed to be added on his plate. The dish was full with pills he was popping every morning. Some drink their coffee with sugar, some with anxiolytics…

For few seconds Ainsley concentrated fully on the movement of her chest; on the air burning inside of her nostrils and throat, painfully expanding her lungs. Dose of oxygen made its way to her head and Ainsley slowly dug up the phone from her purse, battling the wobbling vision of the world that was reaching her eyes through the slits of squinted lids. The idea crept to her. It wasn’t necessarily a  _ good  _ idea but on the battlefield a bad decision is better than none. She decided to call the only other person she could explain to her current state and still get help without a drop of judgement.

Aisley was as obsessed with Malcolm’s safety as he was with hers. As a good little sister she ran a background check on his new friends when lieutenant Arroyo made Malcolm officially hired as a consultant by the New York Police Department. Knowing Gil, Ainsley never suspected bad people to be around Malcolm, but the judgy ones were always a threat to look around for. Luckly that wasn’t the case, the duo of detectives was declared in her soul as truly trustworthy. Ains was ready to hand them the fragile state of her big brother, and now was the time to hand herself over. Phone call to detective Powell was made.

They had exchanged a few words here or there; at the crime scene where Ainsley was trying to tease out of police officers anything she could report on or that one time in the studio during the Carousel Killer case and only lately in more private situations… But it was never anything significant, though enough for Ainsley to develop some kind of fondness for Miss Detective of NYPD. She had had a good inkling about Dani, she seemed like a strong woman who at one point of her life had to fight for herself, and additionally to that victory she won a substantial amount of self confidence. This feeling about the detective was reminding Ainsley about her mother, and maybe that was the real underlying reason why she felt like trusting Dani.

For Dani it was a night filled with comforting routine. The moment she entered her apartment after a day of draining work, she knew how the remaining rest of the day will look like. Dani was ready to lay down and rest but she always wanted to do that properly - duties first, then pleasures. So she ate and cleaned afterwards, only then let herself relax with a mug warming her palm, filled with tea up to the rim of pottery, and on her lap some book that she was stubbornly battling for over a month now, instead of diving into her collection of streaming services.

When mind got the chance to let go of the worries, Dani decided to continue this mindless journey through her evening with some physical activity. After brian blissfully turned off during her late jog, Dani ended up curled under her duvet with eyes closed, an alarm set for tomorrow morning of another day full of work. So when her phone started buzzing, making the whole nightstand tremble, Dani’s mind was all cleared up to go straight into action.

The noise teared her out from the blissful cover of sleep that was slowly unknotting her muscles. Few years in her job were enough to make Dani always vigilant for evenings like this, when late call could corrupt any hope for the night of sound sleep. But no matter how ready the brain was to be working again, nothing could’ve prepared Dani to see Ainsley Whitly’s name on the screen. Squinting her eyes at blue shine from the phone she picked up in astonishment.

“Ainsley?” The shock resonating in the question was doubled. Dani was surprised not only at the late call from Ains but also at how hoarse her voice already got. She had to be deeper in her slumber than she thought…

Before Dani had a chance to clear her throat and ask for the reason why she’s calling, panicked voice flowed into her ear. 

“Hey, I did something stupid. I am drunk and I need someone to help me get home.” The words were well articulated, said slow in a very meticulated manner.

Ainsley was hyperfocused on her line, practically begging; not even trying to hide her desperation. She got herself into really deep shit tonight. Sitting straight, her spine squeaking in paint at an unnatural posture, she had her eyes shut close to not get distracted, and said out loud exactly what she intended.

The shot of adrenaline in her blood was bringing Dani’s consciousness, revitalizing her brain. After a brief moment of silence she barked with worry. “Wait.”

Not hanging up, Dani checked Ainsley’s location and glad it was on, kicked off her plush cover. Keeping her cool, she was already putting on the clothes, announcing in the meantime “I’m coming.”

How the two women ended up in this strange limbo of a friendship was a mystery for both of them. They occasionally met, when their jobs were entwisting around the same case, or when Ains came by the precinct to give her statement because that family clearly couldn’t  _ not engage  _ itself into risky situations, or she was just visiting Malcolm during their work hours. At first their interactions were only friendly greetings but with time they started exchanging more than just a few sentences… And it felt nice, to both of them.

After they finally exchanged phone numbers their friendship had a chance to leave the precinct. But Dani could count on the fingers of one hand the amount of times they managed to grab coffee together. Although that was enough for her to grew fond of Ainsley’s company. Warm feelings about younger Whitly were strangely unnamed, suspended somewhere between Ains being the little sister of her good friend (which Malcolm surprisingly turned out to be) and something very personal and intimate. Dani’s level of frustration about that unknown was surprising even for herself. But all the confusion was not an excuse to not go and help her, so Dani in no time was driving through the city.

Panic was never a good adviser, it was never something she let herself experience. Later in life when her career choices started to be crucial for the future it turned out to be a significant feature of hers. First her cold blood qualified her to work undercover and when she was pulled out during the reconvasecantion, it never let her lose her mind. Now this quality of hers again prooved to be exceptionally useful, as Dani kept her calmness intact. She knew in how much trouble and danger Ainsley could get herself into during the time of her drive but panic hasn’t preveiled. Instead, Dani was patiently waiting at every red light in traffic lights and not even once she drove above the speed limit.

It was only few minutes past midnight when she entered the hotel. Somewhat refreshing air was broken by suffocating breeze, cooled artificially. She walked inside in full confidence, her phone and car keys in her hand. The yellow shine from the lightbulbs blinded her for a split second. Dani slowly looked around into the maze of coffee tables and armchairs, one of which was holding Ainsley in itself. In the matter of seconds Dani spotted her dwelling in the misery. 

Some heaviness left Dani’s heart after she noticed Ainsley. Now that she was keeping her in her sightline nothing bad could happen and if, Dani easily could manage the threat. With chest lighter, the breathing was easier and the heart was pounding hard into the inside of her ribcage in a newly found strength, weak drumming of heartbeat filled her ears. The picture Ainsley presented with herself was painful and not pathetic, in contrary to what Dani was expecting after assimilating information that she got herself too drunk.

Ainsley Whitly was sitting leaning forward with elbows digging into her thighs, her back hunched with the spine in a shape of golden spiral. The usual confidence filling that proud body fled. Dani could see Ainsley’s shoulder blades almost touching under the layer of textile, the line of straight shoulders was moving up and down in slow pace of deep breaths. Empty gaze fixed in the thin air in front of her; face expressionless, numb and filled with some heaviness. There was an absolute willingness to let go of self. It looked familiar but Dani couldn’t quite put the finger where else she saw something like that.

Shock and surprise washed over her, replaced by worry even bigger. She took up the pace to reach Ainsley, occasionally bumping on furniture since she was too scared to take her gaze away from Ainsley’s sad figure and wasn’t looking where exactly her legs were taking her. Whatever she caughted in the corner of her eye was the thing that navigated her further through the lobby.

The moment there were no more obstacles between them Dani almost jumped over to Ainsley and crouched down in front of her, in the direct line of her empty stare from behind the teared up surface of her chocolaty eyes. From between her knees, looking up at her face with features softened by the storm inside her soul, Dani cautiously brushed her knuckles against Ainsley’s tibia, trying to ground her with the touch.

“Hey, you...” Dani slowly placed both her palms on Ainsley’s skinny knees, before she could lose her balance, tripping on her tiptoes. “You good?”

“No.” First came the answer, and then her focus. Ainsley shook her head, curls bouncing against her cheeks. Her empty gaze went down, now drilling into Dani’s face.

Dani felt as her heart leaped in her chest at the rawness of that declaration. She was looking up, into the eyes full of unspoken sorrow. There was something intriguing in those brown irises, because the obvious sadness sitting at their bottoms, melting the chocolate of her eyes, wasn’t anything liquid. It wasn’t spilling through her whole system. Ainsley was containing the coldness of shame in those eyes as she was staring back into the depths of Dani’s soul, frozen under the distress she felt about Ainsley’s current state.

Courtesy and good manners that Jessica implanted into both of her children wanted Ainsley to answer affirmative, but she really didn’t want to lie. She was far from “good”; so far she couldn’t find it in herself to sustain the mask everyone expected to see. It was Malcolm’s talent that no matter the monstrosity he was facing about their heritage he was always “fine”. She wasn’t.

Ainsley knew the moment she confessed to her bad mental shape, she would feel guilt of burdening Dani with her weakness and that’s exactly what happened. Chest got heavy with humiliation that she strains the woman in front of her with herself; salty tears burned in the inner corners of her eyes, fire following in the inside of her nose as she inhaled shakily. Dani got here to help her get home, not to listen to her existential problems.

The women continued wordlessly looking at each other, both not sure how to digest the alcohol Ains consumed, both embarrassed - Ainsley by her sudden honesty and rawness, and Dani because she wanted to help so badly and had absolutely no idea  _ how _ . Dani took her hands from Ainsley’s warm legs and slowly stood up.

“Let’s get you home.” Soft and confident encouragement left Dani’s lips, with her cold palm brushing against Ainsley’s shoulder.

Ainsley wanted to nod her head in agreement but the slight move she made with her chin made the whole room spin. Before Ainsley could lose the hard won stability in her sight, she shut her eyes painfully, and dozens of tiny, horizontal wrinkles cut across her face. So instead, she enthusiastically hummed out her answer, confirming that this is actually a very good idea.

Watching from above, Dani noticed how easy it was for Ainsley to lose herself back in the gin burning in her bloodstream. The conclusion she drew was that young Whitly, if sitting still, was surprisingly convincingly playing, maybe not sober, but only mildly drunk self. However, a slight move woke up the fire of poison in her brain.

Dani bent over looking into the slowly relaxing face but eyes were still shut, and placed her hands on Ainsley’s arms. She felt how under the fabric of her dress the woman melted into the touch, her muscles would relax exactly into the shape of Dani’s fingers grasping on them. It assured Dani that Ainsley wouldn’t fall if dragged up not too abruptly, and even if - she would let Dani catch her. With that certainly Dani helped her get up slowly, with all the caution to not let a rush of intoxicated blood hit her head again.

When Ainsley was standing, she froze in an uncomfortable position. Her back was slightly hunched, with trapped in stilettos feet twisted to the inside. But she could maintain her position on her own, so she didn’t see the reason to try and find the more comfortable one and presentable for those few seconds before they’ll start moving. The threat she might lose her balance during the search was too great to even consider it. Her back straightened when Dani’s arm wrapped around her waist, and pushed her a little to make the first step. Now back to a more natural position, Ainsley threw her arm on Dani’s neck, delicately gripping at her shoulder. 

Both new to those sudden resources of trust they started slowly, limbs wrapped around each other in a desperate wish to keep Ainsley up. Dani decided there’s no way they could go back to the main door through the maze of armchairs and tables so she guided them to the wall and they started their long walk, rounding the whole main lobby.

To Dani’s surprise Ainsley was walking in a relatively straight line. Her hips were stiff, kept in a perfect parallel line to the floor, legs blocked in the knees as a safeguard to not trip over on her stilettos. Dani could see tensed muscles of her shapely calves and thighs. Ainsley was slowly taking each step, cautiously feeling out the ground with the further leg, before she pushed her whole weight onto the foot equipped in high heel.

Ainsley’s whole body was tense, as if she planned to crush every bone in her body with the force of her own muscles. With darkness in front of her the world wasn’t spinning and when she focused so much on breathing in and out, the loud whistle of the air going in her nose was louder than the rush of blood she so desperately tries to contain in stiffed muscles.

After Dani grew in confidence Ainsley’s feet won’t tangle with each other, her eyes went higher to see she again wasn’t looking,  _ at all _ . Her face was proudly directed up, in front against the bad cruel world, but the brown eyes were shut, deep behind the lids covered in heavy makeup. She was walking amazingly as for a drunk person who wasn’t even looking where they were going. Dani put even more awareness to guide them outside, seeing it was purely her job.

Ainsley had no idea where they were going or how the path they were taking looked like. She just was directed by Dani every few minutes when they were to bump into something or to change their direction. Walk continued and Ains, so focused on not breaking apart during the stroll, missed when they reached the doors. They were swiftly opened for them, so she noticed the change by the different air hitting her burning face. There was no need to stop the flow of steps, the rhythm that somehow was working. When smell of the city filled Ainsley’s head she opened her eyes ever so slightly, only slits between the lashes. She saw darkness pouring into the streets from the sky, but as it was to hit the ground of pavements it was corrupted with the citylight. Head still up, she followed wherever Dani was taking them.

Said wherever was Dani’s car, parked just around the corner under the permission of concierge. With the system how to move with one of them being completely intoxicated all worked up, it didn't take them long to make it to the old, red sedan. When they reached it, Dani slowly let go of Ainsley’s waist, lack of her warmth in her palm already tingling, and unhooked her arm from around the neck. She made sure Ainsley was fully supported by the metal sheet of car’s door and standing firm on her own, before fully moving away. Only then Dani unlocked the car and opened the door, helping Ainsley inside, making sure she won’t hit her head or trip on her gloriously long legs in black thighs. 

Again sitting, Aisnley relaxed and not only blood started rushing through her body but shame and disgust with herself as well. She hit lows before but never quite so hard, and willingly let someone witness her crawling at the absolute bottom of self. When Dani was taking her place behind the wheel Ainsley looked away, staring bluntly through the window at the pavement, trying to scatter herself in the air and disappear. She anxiously sneaked one hand between the thighs, crossing her legs tightly, and the other one she placed against her temple, finding support for her heavy head on. She was afraid to blink, fearing bitter tears will drill down her cheeks.

Freezed in this position, Ainsley didn’t notice she was being watched, concerned gaze floating over her.

“How are you doing?” Dani asked with one hand on the already inserted keys, the other one on the side of the wheel, before starting the engine, leg already pressing hard into the clutch pedal.

“I’m sorry…” Ainsley mumbled, not taking her eyes off of the nothingness of the New York she was seeing through the window.

Dani dismissed that answer with an indulgent smile. She was too familiar with this state of mind. She was in a similar place herself, after Xavier drove her to ER after she overdosed. She didn’t see one's compassion, just the trouble that she was. And now Ainsley found herself in the same mindset. It just wasn’t a good moment to try to engage her into a conversation, Dani was willing to wait until she’ll feel better, safer - so probably when they’ll reach her apartment.

“Don’t be.” Dani responded with tone equally warmly dismissing as her facial expression, making the engine roar at the twist of the keys. This sound was a signal for Ainsley for one last sensible action - she fastened her seatbelt, feeling the hard sash between her breasts.

Dani, shifting the gears, started the car and swiftly entered the traffic in the street. She was driving casually, every now and then glancing over to Ainsley, who was breathing heavily into the glass, fogging up the window in the direct line of the sight of her heavy eyes that were following the curb. Driving through the straight road, Dani focused on the spot of blooming mist in front of Ainsley’s ajar mouth against the window. Her forehead was plastered into the glass.

“Hey,” Dani tried to catch Ainsley’s attention, and with success. She peeled herself from the glass and only barely looked to her side, stare of aching eyes landed on Dani’s face. Their eyes locked for a split second. Dani smiled softly before her eyes came back to the road.

Using the moment of disconnection between Ainsley’s skin and a window Dani opened it, pressing the right button under her elbow. “Some fresh air will do you good.”

Ainsley pressed her head hard against the spongy bolster, relaxed face shaped her lips into a smile. “I’m not sure about ‘fresh’ in this city but ‘cold’ will definitely do the trick.”

Feeling the chill wind attacking her skin, Ainsley inhaled deeply, feeling the humid air far down in her lungs and diaphragm. The seatbelt was painfully cutting into the thin skin of her neck. She felt the heat of her face break against the chill of the city, burning down her respiratory tract. The ongoing breeze will probably end with catching a cold in her neck and eventual temporary ability of moving her head but how blissfully soothing for her boiling thought it was - was worth the risk.

“Do you know where we’re going?” Ainsley asked impudently in the sudden rush of mindless joy, celebrating the element against her compromised physique.

“I know your adres, Ainsley.” The disbelief on that question colored Dani’s voice with a giggle when she delivered the answer.

Ainsley smacked with her tongue against the gum, making a wet sound, feeling out the numbness of the inside of her cheeks. It felt as if they were made out of cardboard, as if she was chewing on a paper. She uncomfortably shifted on her seat, pushing both of her hands deeper between tightly pressed tights. The upper leg was anxiously bouncing, causing her whole figure to shake.

“How?” Ains managed to make an audible sound of a simple question with her stiffing tongue and lips.

“Occupational risk.”

“Of mine or your?”

“I’m afraid your brother’s.” Dani, smiling, sent her a quick glance. “You’re Malcolm’s ‘in case of emergency’. Your address included. With his self preservation skills I looked at it few times. And then just wrote it down in my notes.”

“That’s fair.” Hearing the explanation, Ainsley reciprocated the smile, softening her stare still fixed somewhere behind the windshield.

It cheered her up a little. Her big brother was equally bad at making smart decisions as she, which was somehow comforting. How the theory of natural selection hasn’t caught them yet was frankly surprising to both of the siblings. And probably to their mother too.

The rest of the drive passed in silence. Dani was focused on the road, taking the right turns with fading worry about Ainsley’s mood. And Ainsley was with focus analyzing each turn Dani took, with each one surprised they took the correct one. But with eyes where emptiness was slowly burning out the bottom of her soul was being visible where something was clearly laying heavy on her heart. Ains was drowning in shame she brewed for herself, slipping the foam of embarrassment. She shook off the slumber when Dani asked where to park her car, with surprise noticing they already arrived at the destination.

“Don’t. I’ll make it from here.” Ainsley slurred out, delicately tangling her fingers around the knob.

Car stopped in the middle of the road as Dani hit the brakes. It was a deep night so luckly no one else was around. The lock in doors chimed. Dreadful face turned in Ainsley's direction, frozen in complete seriousness as words floated from Dani’s mouth.

“I will go away only when I’m absolutely sure you are safely asleep in your bed.”

Wrestling in a silent stare war, some car stopped behind them, honked and shined at them brightly, light reflecting back at the women in the rear view, and only then drove past them. Ainsley winced, already oversensitive to light and to sound. Grinning Dani claimed it as her victory and without further instructions drove the vehicle to park it.

Dani with passion pulled up the handbrake, simultaneously opening the door. She jumped outside and Ainsley heard her steps against the hard surface of underground garage when she was walking around the back of the car. As Dani approached her and opened the door, Ainsley desperately stuck her head outside, into the usually cold air in the concrete underground. She devoured a few deep, sobering inhales before she unfastened herself. For a split second her head emptied and using this moment to the fullest extent Ainsley swiftly took off her heels and stood up in front of concerned Dani.

“We need to go to the concierge.” Ainsley looked at the woman in front of her, still keeping herself upright on her own. “I left my keys, to not take them to the party.”

Dani judged it as a very smart move and with a courteous broad gesture of her arm encouraged Ainsley to lead them to the elevator. She just smiled at the theatrics and dipped on her knees a little, in a parody of bow, spreading her short dress pinched between her fingers.

The first stop was a ground level where Ainsley picked up the keys. She told Dani to stay and hold the elevator as she handed her the shoes and barefoot walked over to the concierge. Ainsley was making slow moves, gin still buzzing in her system. The tingling in her numb fingers was the thing she focused on while taking cacious steps on the marble. Its coldness was biting her feet - another thing she could focus on instead of the spinning view or wave of infamy she was feeling in Dani’s presence. Meanwhile, Dani in her boredom started cataloging details of the lobby after Ainsley turned right and disappeared behind the pillar.

Dani heard the mix of two female voices when Ainsley was asking for her key. The walk there and back plus the conversation took around ten minutes during which Dani started feeling the impatience crippling in. Before it fully settled in her head, Ainsley appeared from the corner and taking her time to not trip over alcohol filled lims walked over. She finally reached the elevator and pressed the right button before the doors could fully close.

Their way up to Ainsley’s penthouse was the opposition to how they looked like in the hotel lobby. Ains was proudly walking straight ahead through the corridor, which in reality cost her a lot. Painfully tensed muscles were blocking the mobility of joints. Combined with extreme focus, it caused a piercing pain in her eyes, digging deeper into her brain. It was washing down in an acidy ache down her chest, twisting her stomach in a knot. Ainsley was starting to feel nauseous.

Dani was following her, keeping the respectful distance as she noted that Ainsley was more proud than her brother. Malcolm had no problem with letting Dani walk him straight to his bed, even put on him cuffs of his restraints. But Ains wasn’t stupid to get rid of Dani, she was fully aware she needed help and protection - now maybe not from people trying to take advantage of her drunken ass but rather from the walls and other inanimated parts of the building that were swinging in front of her eyes.

Ainsley’s pace was getting faster and faster with each step. Dani realised that the closer they were to her place, the more Ains wanted to already be there. She squinted her eyes at Ainsley when she reached the door and with panic passionately burning in her hands she unlocked them, collapsing inside. Dani ran over through the open door and she saw Ainsley leaning against the white wall, head thrown back so far it had hurt her throat, her larynx crushed by the stretched skin. She inhaled sharply and spit out, “I think I'm gonna throw up.”

Before Dani had a chance to comprehend the words Ainsley quickly peeled herself off of the wall and rushed over to the bathroom. Dani shook off the shock the moment she heard the choking sound of spasms and contractions trying to get rid of whatever was inside Ainsley’s stomach. Taking off the shoes and the jacket, she ditched it on the floor near the door, her phone and car keys hidden in the pockets. Without knocking or acknowledging her entrance in any other way Dani approached Ainsley.

Head was hanging low over the toilet, hands desperately gripping at the ceramic rim of it. Dani delicately started collecting loose strands of blond hair that still smelled of good cigars and sweet perfumes, trying to keep them aways from her mouth. After she got the hold of all of them, trying to not pull too hard, the hair tie around her wrist was swiftly transferred on the fistful of curls, creating the loose bun at the nape of the neck. Dani’s hands stayed there until she moved down to sit next to Ainsley. She was slowly stroking the length of her spine, from the sweaty neck down to hard bones of her lower back.

Ainsley was squirming dry spasm out from her throat. The whole alcohol she consumed was already floating in her system, a ridiculous amount. Her body tried to get rid of it too late, the poison already was diluting her blood. When the retching stopped, Ainsley was painting heavily, with pools of tears in the corners of her eyes. Dani stepped back, to give Ainsley space, both physical and mental, to deal with herself. With her head still hanging in the toilet she reached to the flush and after fumbling with her fingers for a while she succeeded. The water washed down the foamed chyme that had been dwelling in her belly.

After a few deep breaths she managed to slow down the panting and tumbling from over the toilet Ains sat down on the floor, legs widely spread in a very unladylike manner, leaning on her bended knees. Looking up at Dani she spoke weakly, trying to send her away. “I’ll be fine. Thanks.”

Dani was leaning with her back against the marble countertop with a sink in its center. To do anything with her hands she was gripping at its edge. Women were silently looking at each other, reading and guessing what was going on inside their heads. 

“That’s sweet but I’m not going anywhere.” Dani knew she could just leave. Ainsley was safely in her home, miserably sitting on the floor but here no danger could reach her, other than hungover in the morning.

To be completely honest with herself, Dani didn’t want to go away. She enjoyed caring for this helpless creature in front of her; her compassionate heart was drawn to the misery that was taking place in this bathroom. Ainsley read it all from the bashful smile framed by the golden face with black curls, and gave up. Her stare softened and she looked down, battling with a pool of sour saliva swimming between her teeth. She spit it into the toilet. Ainsley fetl disgusting, and was truly surprised she had a processing capacity for so many emotions.

Dani felt like looking away, to provide a phantom of privacy. When her gaze wandered away, she noticed a tall glass sitting in the corner of the sink and filled half of it with cold tap water. Ainsley was breathing heavily, back to her sitting position. Dani crouched down and handed it to her, looking at the face covered in smeared lipstick and mascara.

“Thanks…” The shame was eclipsed with gratitude. It felt nice to be taken care of, no judgment - even though the pathetic state she was in was to blame only on herself and weak self-control.

Ainsley took a huge gulp of cold water and flushed her mouth with it, spitting into the toilet. She repeated it two more times before actually swallowing the sip she took. This moment of peace let her emotions marinate and they wrapped tighter around her chest.

“I’m sorry you have to watch this.” Ainsley apologized, chewing on her lip.

She slurred out the world, and as the sentence was finished Ains looked away, piercing the bottom of now empty glass. It was a moment she always feared, to be seen how bad state she can drive herself to. After puking out her vision cleared, the world was a little less wobbly in its contours. The head was still aching with all of her insides burning. But it was manageable, in contrary to the waterfall of feelings currently flooding her mind.

“You’re not the first, nor the last drunk girl who vomited.” Dani smiled at her, taking the glass from Ainsley’s hot and numb fingers. “We have to help each other.”

It was comforting; a reminder that they’re all humans. It’s just-- Ainsley never let herself make mistakes. Somehow, she felt like she’s not entitled to them; like she has to do better,  _ be better _ . Warmth of this simple fact about the world made Ainsley gather some confidence from between the strands of humiliation she was undergoing in her mind. Their eyes locked and Ainsley then saw the warmth she heard, the unbothered face with demeanor of empathy shining in the cold light of her bathroom.

The aesthetic of white tiles made the space filled with coldness, that’s why Ainsley was playing with fire hazard so often by lighting so many candles - to bring the delusion of warmth. But Dani in front of her was warmer than any fire she could bring into this place. Ainsley wanted to reach with her hands, touch it because her spirit was telling her she wouldn’t burn herself on this flame of the purest form of humanity.

Ainsley’s face was colored with longing and the moment Dani named it she felt uncomfortable. What could she yearn in Dani’s presence? Or maybe Dani let her imagination get the better of her and the longing wasn’t there, and if - definitely it didn’t have anything to do with her. But she couldn’t force herself to break from the mixture of mutual need that was cooking between them. Only when she noticed the layer of tears fogging Ainsley’s stare Dani spoke.

“How are you doing? Really.”

This question brough Ains back. She blinked, getting rid of nasty, self-loathing thoughts. It sent two symmetric streams of tears down both of her cheeks. She sniffed the wetness of her sorrow dwelling in her nose and again focused her vision on Dani. The stare was so intense and heavy. Dani was completely swept off her feet by what was uncovered in Ainsley’s eyes at the genuinity of the question. First, the explosive mixture of coldness reached the irises, and immediately withdrew on behalf of mat dullness taking its place - bringing back the color but not the warmth.

“I am just disappointed with myself. I drank too much, brought myself to  _ this _ and on top of that - bothered you.” Anger brought a little life on her cheeks. “Can you hand me my clothes? They’re under the sink”

Surprise at very sudden change made Dani wince. She reached into the right cupboard, trying not to move from the place she was sitting, feeling that if she would the ambience would be gone and Dani desperately wanted this intimate moment to last - purely for selfish reasons. Luckly, the bathroom was small enough for an operation like this. The package of grey ruffled cotton was handed to Ainsley. She took it with bashful “thanks” on her lips and moved, until her back met the cold wall, just in case she would need some support. Plus, the coldness of tiles was pleasantly keeping her aware of the environment.

With legs crossed, Ainsley slowly reached behind her back and fixed the bun of Dani’s creation into something tighter. Then she took off her dangly earrings and set them aside on the floor in her close proximity. With everything on top secured, Ainsley moved her dress over her hips and started battling with the neckhole to release her head. It took some wrestling. Dani was watching anxiously as Ainsley eventually managed to free herself from the garment. A rush of blood brought a sharp ache to her head. She decided it was a good moment to take a break and relaxed against the wall.

“I always fear moments like this. When I’m so drunk I can’t take care of myself. And that eventually I’ll stop caring about others.”

The same emotional exhibitionism that made her her whole life announcing far and wide into the world that she is Surgeon’s daughter made her now spill all the fears she managed to collect over the quarter of century of her life.

“I believe this though makes sense in your head but I see absolutely no connection there.”

Ains laughed because Dani was right. The depth of this problem was reaching her childhood and there was no way she could’ve explained all of it in just one sentence, mumbled drunkenly, sitting just in her underwear. She reached for the ball of textile and untangled her t-shirt, meticulously looking for its front, then continued. It was too much for her to silmuniately speak out a coherent stream of thoughts and put on her clothes. So just in her bra and tights she started, and Dani felt absolutely hypnotized by the vulnerability.

“Mom never dealt well with things. In general,” Ainsley smiled with resignation. ”Even before the arrest. I remember her well from the last year when dad was still with us. Their marriage was on a very thin razor edge and mom was drunk more often than not. Mal was constantly with dad, I don’t know if he was grooming him or just wanted to keep him away from mom. But I was with her, constantly in her presence. She usually kept herself together, just reeked of bourbon.”

Ainsley sighed, straightening her back. It gave Dani a good look at her pale chest, with defined collarbones sticking out from under the pinkish skin. The black line of her thights was clasping around the waistline, making it visually smaller than in reality. This image was doing things to Dani in an equal manner as sitting in that outfit, or therefore its lack, in front of Dani was doing to Ainsley. A profound impression they could trust each other came out of nowhere, but was very welcomed.

Gaze fixed, she missed when Ainsley’s hands reached to her back and she unclasped her bra, not caring about the presence of a stranger. If Ains was to be embarrassed about her naked tits, she was to be embarrassed only after she’d sober up. Dani went hot in her cheeks when Ainsley stuck her arms into the shirt and raised it above her head, to easily slide it down. Curves of her chest got more defined with the torso stretched. She wasn’t supposed to see the shape of her breasts but couldn’t  _ not stare _ at the soft flesh with stripes of rib’s shadows connecting between her breasts.

“While Mal is scared he’ll turn into a murderer like our father, I’m afraid I’ll turn into a drunk like our mother. I guess it’s because when he was participating in murders I was witnessing as our mother was tumbling down, losing her dignity - drowning it in liquor.”

Dani was captivated by the deeply burning passion of the fear Ainsley was facing; she was devouring the theories Ainsley was presenting to her on her bathroom floor. That girl had to think a lot about this; it wasn’t just drunken twaddle. Ains shifted in her position, and sneaked her flat palms inside the thighs, down her legs - freeing them. Another pause was made, as she sat down in her lacy panties on the cold floor, burning her asscheeks against it.

“When mom gets too drunk she loses interest in us. She doesn’t care if what she says hurts us and I never know if she means it-- when she calls me a slut or Mal a scum. She doesn’t remember anything when she’s back to her normal self - which is just slightly less drunk,” Ainsley interjected with a smile noting that this clearly wasn’t bothering her.

Dani wanted to assure Ainsley that their mother definitely didn’t mean any of those things but she wasn’t sure if that’s true, and lying never seemed like a good move in a situation as profound as the one that was just taking place. Jessica was one of a kind, unapologetic in her tough, eccentric character. So there was a chance those words were honest in its alcoholic obscurity, where they were born.

“I just don’t want to not care about people I love. Because I know how much it hurts when you watch as alcohol takes you away. How humiliating it is to watch how your own mother calls you an abomination when she's intoxicated by whisky.”

Sticky ball grew in Ainsley’s throat that was a source of her raising in volume voice. Before she gave it a chance to squeeze tears out of her, she swallowed and moved to put on the pants. Now fully clothed in attire more comfortable for sitting and crying over one’s fate on the bathroom floor, with the whole length of her arm, she leaned her whole silhouette forward, pointing at something above Dani, on top of the counter against which she was sitting. Dani, confused, was waiting for Ainsley to articulate what’s the meaning of her gymnastics. It took Ainsley a moment to find the words and she found their lack funny.

“Makeup wipes!” Ainsley finally exclaimed and laughed, hanging her head down in mild disappointment. “Can you hand me makeup wipes?”

Dani wordlessly reached above her head with the hand, blindly searching for the item Ainsley asked for. Succeeding, she handed it over, both of women stretching over the floor in the laziest attempts. Ainsley, equipped with a pink crispy package, took one wipe and started slowly taking off her makeup. This activity apparently wasn’t as menatlly consuming as getting dressed and Ainsley continued talking.

“When I was younger I was telling myself I would never touch alcohol. I broke this promise at my friend’s sixteenth birthday party, so quite early in life. At first I was drinking within my limits, without puking my gut out et cetera. But then the college came.” Weak smile of disappointment wrinkled Ainsley’s face. “I thought I could not cross the line, but once I’m in-- Not even once I was able to keep myself in check. And still, I’m lying to myself - ‘this time will be different!’” She looked at Dani and smiled dismissively, tilting her head to the side. “It never is.”

Ainsley spent the rest of the process of cleaning her face digesting what she just shared. She hasn’t told those things anyone, not even Malcolm. Guilt that she’s burdening Dani with herself crept in, flooding her stomach with hot heaviness. When she was past fourth wipe, she determined her face doesn’t need to be any cleaner. Her eyes came back to Dani that clearly was choking on something she desperately wanted to say but was battling very hard not to.

“What?” The question was aggressive in its defense. Ainsley was ready for judgment but something else came. An advice, that Ains was devouring with her puppy eyes.

“Half measures don’t work here. Trust me, I know. When you’re falling, you’re falling hard.” Now Dani felt even more impressed about the openness Ains presented tonight. The moment she wanted to share her story the stinging pain told her to shut up, close inside her walls. But she felt she owed it to her - the honesty. Especially that she already poked the subject Dani didn’t want to turn away. “I was undercover in narcotics. I thought they would trust me more, tell me more, if I was taking… So I started. There was this stupid belief I can just take a little.” Growing anger at her old self made her voice harsher but Dani let it go, came back to her peace she so desperately fought for during rehab. “It is impossible. You’re around people who encourage you to take, and you’re starting to misjudge your own limits.” She looked directly into Ainsley’s eyes, hoping she was get her point across. “It’s all or nothing. You have to stop completely.”

“I wish I had the strength to do it on my own.”

“The thing is- you  _ don’t have to _ do it on your own, Ains.”

Ainsley smiled warmly. She liked that Dani called her that. Malcolm was always calling her that and he was the person who loved her so much. Additionally, Ainsley sensed a promise, an offer of guidance, which was definitely helping her soul get back on track. But she decided to leave this hanging in the open - the unspoken proposal of help thickening the air. Ainsley was too drunk to honestly consider it. She wordlessly, without any warning prior, started climbing the wall to get up. In a matter of seconds Dani jumped over to her, securing the unslabe figure.

“What’s the plan?”

“Bed.”

“Smart plan.”

Ainsley giggled at the praise, proud she came up with it all by herself. She began her walk to the bed, feeling Dani’s worried shadow panting into her neck until she eventually stopped by the sofa, letting Ainley walk the last straight line between couch and her bed without an assecuration. The maze of her apartment was manageable, she knew it well. She was able to smoothly make the distance between any given points in pitch black darkness, even being completely wasted.

When Ainsley’s tibias bumped against the mattress and she crawled on top of the bed, tangling herself into the duvet while trying to get under it. She sighed heavily and Dani, who was leaning on the couch’s back directly in front of the happening event, giggled. As ridiculous as it was, Ainsley felt good being watched over, cared for, by Dani. However, when Ains wished to spend more quality time with her it’s not what she had in mind.

“What’s so funny, Powell?” Ainsley finally won with the covers and settled for the night. Half-sitting, half-sprawled across the pillows she faced Dani with furrowed brows. “You can go now.”

“I’m not going anywhere until you fall asleep.” Dani sat down on the couch, placing her feet on the coffee table, crossing her legs at the ankles.

It was left without a comment. Ainsley just laid down on her side, facing grinning Dani. She closed her eyes and the world started spinning aggressively. The nothingness that was filling the insides of her eyelids was spiraling, with the sparkling flashed from tightly shut eyes, dancing in front of her. She shot her eyes open, feeling that the twisting vision was enough to make her nauseous again.

It helped and the leaps in her belly stopped. The breathing became difficult again, as if an ancient demon was sitting on her chest. Desperate Ainsley turned, trying to search for a sleep on the other side. But it all happened again.

She was tossing and turning for some time, until she finally found a position in which her body wasn’t sabotaging her will to rest. All this took place under the vigilant stare of the detective. Ainsley felt ashamed it’s taking her so long to fall asleep, desperately wanting to release Dani from the duty of being her babysitter. But the weariness suddenly disappeared, her eyes opened involuntarily as she was staring into the darkness of her loft. Bad luck she was facing Dani.

“It always takes you so long to fall asleep?”

Ainsley chuckled weakly. “I maybe don’t have nightmares--”

“--but you’re an insomniac, too.” Dani interrupted sensing where it was going.

“Bingo.” Ains sent her apologetic smile. “You really can go home.”

Dani ignored her and moved her chin dismissively. “Go to sleep, Whitly.”

Ainsley tried. She was forcing her lids to stay closed but was loosing every few minutes. At one point when she opened them, what she saw completely froze her, forced all the air in her lungs out in a sharp exhale. Dani slithered down the white leather and with her head on a hairy cushion, was breathing regularly in her sleep. And that was the last thing Ainsley remembered before she let Morpheus embrace her in his arms.

The next thing Ainsley was aware of was a wave of hotness, layer of hot sweat atop her body parts. During the night air conditioning wasn’t on as she prefered, because of that very reason; exactly to avoid early mornings when dump clothes were sticking to the warm skin. Laying flat on the soft mattress Ainsley kicked off the duvet and faced the pale ceiling, contemplating how surprisingly well rested she felt, especially for the early hour ergo little amount of sleep she had, judging only by the colorless sky with vapid greyness across.

The next of her experience she encountered was an incredible thirst that was pulling her dry throat down the inside her chest. Stiff tongue was lying uncomfortably against her palate. Ainsley slowly moved her legs down from the bed, and when she sat upright the headache hit her like a train. She silently laughted at herself. She was hungovered  _ as fuck _ . In pain, Ains glanced over still sleeping silhouette of Dani. She looked comfortably enough to not be killed today by neck pain. Smiling like a fool at the idea of a pretty lady sleeping over at her place Ainsley sneaked to the kitchen, where she began her hunt for aspirin.

Outcome of that quest was two tablets  effervescenting at the bottom of tall glass, same as the one that was standing on her sink. Waiting for the medicine to fully dissolve in the cold water, Ains caught out the corner of her eye the clock that was shining red on the oven. Three minutes past five in the morning. Ainsley usually woke up after only just a few hours of sleep when drunk, and usually she felt fresh as a daisy. It was just a delusion, but one she could ride at this moment; she’ll nap later.

With that all sorted out in her mind, she set the kettle and in a trance she prepared a cup of earl grey for the guest crashing on her sofa. It was a calming moment when she took out the can with loose leaves and managed to open it silently. Then slowly scooping tea with spoon, avoiding crashing metal against metal. With another success the black leaves ended at the bottom of a pale pink mug. All this while water in the electric kettle was fizzling louder and louder, until the boiling finally turned off the heat.

When the device clicked in a signal that water was ready, Ainsley warily poured in the hot liquid until it met the ceramic rim. She grabbed the ear of the mug through the hot steam. With her glass in one hand and cup for Dani in the other, Ainsley started her slow walk to the area between the coffee table and edge of the couch. Her tense muscles, cacious to not spill a drop relaxed when her bare feet met the soft carpet; she reached her destination. Ainsley placed both dishes on the glass surface and sat down on the floor.

“Wakey, wakey, miss detective.” She started with her usual cheer voice she liked to tease Malcolm with.

Groan was the answer that was followed with a symphony of cracking joints, as Dani stretched her arms above her head, twisting her torso. With eyes still sticky with dreams Dani slowly sat up. Before she had a chance to comprehend the surroundings, Ainsley placed on her lap a hot mug with steaming tea, as she twisted her back to reach from the table her aspirin. Dani judgingly smiled at the sight of misty liquid with bubbles still escaping to reach the surface.

“What time is it?” Raspy, thick with sleep voice rumbled at Ains.

“5 am.”

“And you’re already up?”

“Yeah…” Ainsley confirmed calmly and Dani got the message that was something very usual to occur.

The moment of peace that followed was a dream-like sequence. It felt like a sleepover at a friend’s house, where there were no rules, because the rest of the world wasn’t existing yet. The yellowish glow of day was slowly tinting the colorless walls of Ainsley’s loft. They were sitting in an intimate silence, while drinking what was each’s fuel for the upcoming few hours.

“Thanks for delivering my morning tea.”

“Thanks for delivering me to my home.”

“You’re welcome.” Dani murmured smugly from the rim of the mug, sipping in the hot liquid; a web of her lashes was leaving shadows over her temple and brighde of her nose.

“I hope I didn’t destroy your day-- the upcoming one,” Ains felt like clarifying.

“I’ll be fine.” Dani smile in a way that some hot sparkles danced in Ainsley’s belly. When the smile disappeared in another gulp of tea, the warmth stayed. “And you woke me up so early that I’ll manage to not only change but also take a shower.”

“It makes me happy.” Ainsley pointed at Dani’s head where her hair got flat against her skull, on the side she was sleeping on, “but you won’t fix this.”

Dani laughed, wide smile sitting on her lips, taking another sip. Ainsley could swear that woman was drinking devilishly hot water, and the tea hasn’t even fully steeped yet. Her charcoal eyes moved away from Ains that was drowning in the inner guilt, searching for some meaning of life in the depths of her aspirin-spiked water. A heavier silence prevield.

“It was a nice morning but I have to go.” Dani set her half-emptied mug on the table, and jumped over Ainsley to get up from the couch. “I’d say we have to do it again someday,” she said from her way to the door in search of her shoes in the corridor, “but there are better things to do.”

Ainsley rushed over to properly walk Dani over, to at least the door to her apartment.

“Dani,” she tried to catch her attention, for the last few moments while she’s here. With success. Dani stopped, with her jacket and boots already on, now towering over Ainsley. “I owe you for last night.”

“You do,” Dani answered somehow fliriously, flattered by Ainsley’s distress.

“I really appreciate you came for me. And stayed, and listened. And what you told me. Thank you.” Ains uncomfortably chewed on her lip. “A re-pay dinner?”

“Sounds good.”

Something wanted to be added but neither of them found the right words. So they just stayed frozen in a surprisingly comfortable quiet, eyeing each other and trying to not be noticed by the other one. Dani felt like in high school, this heaviness when both of them clearly wanted something - maybe even the same  _ something _ \- but both were too abashed. And then she realized they are both adults, there’s no need to feel this embarrassing twisting in the belly; they won’t be caught doing something bad (like kissing a gir,l for example). Some impulse pushed Dani forward and she was stopped only when her lips crushed against equally full Ainsley’s ones. Ains could taste the warmth, and feel the aroma of tea.

“A dinner.” Dani repeated in a whisper between them.

“A date.” Ainsley stated self consciously.

“Even better.”

Closing the door after Dani disappeared, Ainsley had to agree. Since last night she earned a new friend, a date and a company to help her fight the fears of commiting her mother’s mistakes. Truly, everything suddenly got better.

**Author's Note:**

> FINALLY IT IS DONE I HAVE BEEN WRITING IT SINCE 3TH JUNE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD  
> I know only few read it, even fewer (one person at best) felt compelled enough to leave a comment but this one hits _too close_ to home and only some inner masochism made me write and then post it. Just don't be rude 'cause I might break. Have a nice one!


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